In 1995, an investigation discovered that the normal American picked funds as ‘the main thing throughout everyday life.’ Although things have fortunately changed from that point forward, with individuals beginning to focus on family and love life over cash, it ought not to be all that astounding that cash is a touchy subject that can cause numerous cerebral pains for individuals seeing someone — particularly assuming the two accomplices’ monetary circumstance is pretty much as various as constantly.
It sounded like that could be the next step in their relationship when this 22-year-old graduate was asked by her much older and well-earning boyfriend to move in with him across the country.
The author was concerned about the financial disparity between the two.
The author of the story was confused about whether this is the right idea and how committed her boyfriend really is, both financially and emotionally.
Money is a topic that couples disagree on, regardless of how happy people are with their significant others.
All of us have heard the Beatles’ famous lyrics: “I don’t care too much for money; money can’t buy me, love.” Money can make love life easier. One of the most common reasons why people fall out of love and eventually divorce is because of finances.
We reached out to Kim Stephenson, a financial psychologist and co-author of ‘Finance Is Personal: Making Your Money Work for You in College and Beyond.’ to understand what role money plays in a relationship. Kim tells us that there is a misconception that money and wealth are related to happiness. “The fact is, money doesn’t predict happiness,” he said. “Everybody thinks, ‘I’ll be happy when… I get a pay rise, a bigger house, a car, a better spouse, etc. And experience and masses of research show that isn’t true. You maybe feel good for a few weeks and then you figure you need another pay rise.”
Kim explains that we live in a time when most of us want more of everything, ignore the important things in life, and fail to realize that money isn’t important until you know what you want the money to do. He suggests a relatively simple solution. Tell your partner what money means to you. Stephenson notes that this line of communication helps to express “values, what is really important to each person – not in terms just of material goods. But in terms of what they want their life to be about, what purpose they see in living and what they want to do with their time, money and other resources.” If you really love someone, use your money to get the life you want.
This can lead to a serious make-or-break situation if the financial disparity becomes too obvious to be ignored.
One of the most exciting moments in a person’s life is moving in with a significant other. Even though some relationship experts say that moving in together puts the couple ahead of the relationship game, it is also linked to greater odds of divorce. There is a name for this phenomenon called the premarital cohabitation effect. In the first year of marriage, living with your partner pre-marriage doesn’t have an effect, but it increases the odds of divorce in all other years.
Is it possible that people should stop living together before tying the knot? Well, no. If the financial disparity between the two is as big as the Grand Canyon, moving in can act as a break-or-make moment. Kim says there is an antidote called communication. “It’s not the money disparity that’s the problem. It’s the relationship and people being honest about what they want, about feeling valued for who they are (not just for how much they’ve got),” he explained. “If people can’t be honest, then all sorts of elephants in the room start appearing.”
The couple in the story had a financial disparity. One was expected to punch above her financial weight, while the partner simply followed the big money. Here’s what Stephenson said when he received a question regarding being in the same situation: “If I were coaching or advising a couple on that, I’d start by getting them to talk to me and to one another. You don’t have to be a financial wizard, or ask for ‘expert’ advice — you’ll know what the obvious solution is,” he told.
Basic skills are the key to a happy, stress-free relationship. What really matters to you in life can be found through honest communication. Nothing will stop you after you sort that out. Not until the first scandalously expensive rent payment.
People advised the author to rethink their relationship because they were concerned with the boyfriend’s intentions.