After delivering birth, 20% of daughters-in-law discovered that their bond with their mothers-in-law had deteriorated. Being a parent is difficult in and of itself, therefore for some of us, returning to work as soon as possible is the only option. After her MIL requested payment in exchange for watching her granddaughter, one Hiptoro reader noticed some stress in her life.
Bright Side got this message, and we wanted to give Amy some advice in the hopes that it may help her position. We’re also interested in seeing how you might go about it.
Dear Amy, I’m grateful for your letter. The team discussed this scenario and came up with the following excellent advice:
Try to comprehend the possible reasons behind your MIL’s request for payment in exchange for watching over her granddaughter. You mentioned that your mother-in-law recently retired; experts say that retirees worry about outliving their funds. This could be the basis for your mother-in-advice. law’s Open dialogue is the only way to learn the answer, which brings us to our next point.
Speak with your in-laws’ mother. Set up a straightforward conversation with her and, in a collected, mature manner, express your feelings. We produced a three-step approach on how to prevent turning off the intended course because the conversation could veer off course.
Don’t assume your mother-in-law will respond poorly as a first step.
Step 2: Express your feelings without offering any justifications. Saying “I feel misunderstood,” as opposed to “I feel misunderstood since you have asked for Y,” for instance, allows you to engage your mother-in-law in a conversation without making her defensive.
Thirdly, focus on what you do rather than what you don’t.
Which one would you choose: a qualified stranger or warm family members? Keep in mind that paying a qualified babysitter more money than your MIL would request is generally a good idea. Consider how you and your husband might feel more at ease at the end of the day. Additionally, keep in mind that your MIL must have done a lot of parenting things correctly because she raised the person you will spend the rest of your life with.
Look for alternative options. Daycare has its own ups and downs, including higher fees and stress levels as well as potential for increased involvement from both of you (like bringing your baby to and from daycare). Additionally, there will be days when your child must remain at home.
Although most grandparents don’t anticipate getting paid for watching the grandchildren, it is very reasonable for them to do so. A child’s care can require a full-time employment. It’s not simple to feed, change, and watch over a child all the time, especially as you become older.
No matter what transpires, we hope that our advise will help to improve your circumstances and your relationship with your mother-in-law.
Does your family ever look after your child? Have you considered compensating them for their time in any way? What would you say if a relative approached you for payment in return for watching their children? Please tell us in the comments.