Couples sometimes have different beliefs and interest, but what they have in common is the core values that keeps them together. It goes for LGBTQ+ community couples as well.
This story is about a guy who broke up with his girlfriend as the guy had two moms and the girl didn’t want her parents to know that because she felt they would feel uncomfortable.
For this teenager, family is above everything else and he went as far as breaking up with his girlfriend to protect his two moms from getting hurt
The Original Poster (OP) also known as ThrowRAhelplost on Reddit is a 17-year-old who was raised by two moms. He has been going out with his girlfriend for 7 months and they actually became a couple during the lockdown.
As they were dating for quite some time, the girl’s parents wanted their families to meet up when it was safe to do that. It was not a problem for the OP or his moms, but the obstacle was that the girlfriend never mentioned to her parents that her boyfriend isn’t from a traditional family.
The OP is 17 years old and he has been dating his girlfriend for 7 months, so naturally, their families also wanted to meet
She described her parents as not “raging homophobes but they don’t like that.” The girlfriend knew her parents enough to guess that they would feel uncomfortable to find out about OP’s family.
Her solution to avoid the awkwardness was just to lie to her parents and convince the two boyfriend’s moms that just one of them should go to that dinner. But that didn’t sit well with the boyfriend as he loved his moms and was never embarrassed of their relationship.
The problem was that the girlfriend thought her parents wouldn’t take the fact the OP had two moms very well
The OP stood up for his moms and he also explained that it doesn’t make sense to lie now because if their relationship evolved, the lie would surface and that would be even more awkward.
Many people in the comments admired that ThrowRAhelplost was on his moms’ side and wasn’t afraid to introduce them to other people, as often teenagers are embarrassed if their families are not like others.
She thought that it would be better to not mention that to her parents and ask only one mom to go to their first dinner
We contacted Carl Pickhardt, a Harvard alumnus and University of Texas graduate where he got his Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology. He specializes in adolescent psychology and is the author of such books as Who Stole My Child? and WHY GOOD KIDS ACT CRUEL: The Hidden Truth about the Pre-Teen Years. He also writes the weekly blog Surviving (Your Child’s) Adolescence for Psychology Today, so we thought he could give us his perspective on the Reddit story.
We were curious if there is a specific way to teach a child to not be embarrassed of parents who are not so typical and according to Carl Pickhardt, the cure for it is simple: “Love teaches acceptance around all kinds of differences. The narrator simply loves his parents.”
The OP didn’t even consider such a suggestion and after thinking about it and talking with the girl more, he decided the relationship wouldn’t work out
It is really obvious that the OP loves his moms as even when his friends tried to convince him to just give in, he held on to his principles. But even if he believed that what he was doing was right, he felt that he might have been mean to his girlfriend. In one of his replies to the comments, he wrote “Was never gonna go through with it cause I know that’s extremely f****d up to ask them to do that. But it just felt like everyone was so against it.”
He also realized that the girlfriend was also not comfortable with him having parents of the same sex
The story has an update and turns out, the OP decided that the relationship will not take the couple anywhere. Carl Pickhardt says that he can’t see two people together when one of them is homophobic and the other has parents of the same sex. He puts it like this: “That’s like asking: ‘Can someone really like you, and you like them when they are sexually prejudiced against your parents?’ ‘They’ are part of ‘You.’”
The OP loves his moms and never was embarrassed about them, so he didn’t want to be with a person who didn’t feel the same way
Before breaking up, the OP had an eye-opening conversation with his girlfriend when he realized that not only are her parents uncomfortable with homosexual relationships, but she is as well.
He also caught on that she didn’t understand how hurtful it would be for him and his moms if he asked only one of them to come to dinner and hide facts, which is basically lying.
Maybe the relationship could have been saved if the girlfriend would have agreed to just have dinner without any sneaking around, but Carl Pickhardt said that the issue wasn’t the relationship between the parents of the two families, it was “dating a person who may harbor homophobic beliefs” as we found out was the case from reading the update.
The psychologist also added, “Hiding from reality is lying and only encourages homophobia to continue by catering to it. You have, and your parents have, nothing to ‘hide.’“
It seems that other Redditors thought breaking up and siding with family was the right decision too. They thought the OP was really mature for his age and wasn’t acting like a jerk at all.
What do you think of this story? What would you have done in OP’s shoes? Do you think that two people who have different values can be happy together? Let us know your thoughts and opinions in the comments!
People in the comments admired OP’s maturity and ability to have a calm and clear mind in such a tricky situation