When you love someone, it does not have to be necessary to accept all their flaws. Sometimes the right thing to do is to address them what you have in your mind, and clear things out before everything messes up badly.
A redditor Classic-Goose-8228 showed the internet that it is good to be undiplomatic and speak your mind when necessary. The 60 years old Redditor humiliates her own son who is not helping her wife out with household stuff., and that has created a level of stress for the user’s daughter-in-law. The woman puts out the story on the AITA community for people to react to the way she took things under her control.
Hiptoro wanted to know how things work when a partner does not equally manage things at home. So, we reached out to relationship and dating expert Dan Bacon, the founder of The Modern Man. Scroll down to give a quick read to the story ad what Dan has to say about relationships and more.
A redditor confronted her son in front of his friends because he was putting his own interests above those of his wife and family
“Housework used to be seen as women’s work only, due to a man traditionally being the breadwinner and the woman staying at home all day. Yet, in today’s society, if both the man and woman are working, it’s more fair, loving, and respectful for both of them to contribute to keeping the house clean. On the other hand, if a man is the sole breadwinner and the woman stays home all day, many people would agree that she should do most or even all of the housework. That said, no one actually ‘has to’ do anything in a relationship,” relationship expert Dan told Hiptoro.
“A woman shouldn’t ever force a man to do housework and a man shouldn’t force a woman to do it either. Instead, the couple should honestly agree on what they feel is fair and then go with that. If it feels unfair to one of them, resentment will build up, arguments will happen and they will feel less connected and happy as a couple,” he added.
The expert suggested that it is best to start a discussion with your partner regarding chores by asking them their opinion on why you should be doing all the work? “Then, ask if they honestly think that is a fair, loving, and respectful way for them to be approaching the relationship,” he said.
Dan also spoke to us about how to find a solution for this and plan things.
“Have a conversation about how it seems like there’s not enough time to do everything in today’s life, but also point out that you want to enjoy a more balanced life. Then, have a discussion about what adjustments you can make, if any, to live a more balanced life,” Dan said.
“Once you’ve achieved that, try to make some more adjustments and keep going until you feel like you have a more enjoyable, balanced lifestyle given the circumstances. Also, keep in mind the life of each family is different. It’s not possible to be exactly the same as another family, so be the best that you can be based on your circumstances.”
The author of the thread posted some additional info about what she told her son during the confrontation
We also spoke to award-winning activist and writer Elizabeth Arif-Fear on the need for equality at home.
“A woman should not be expected to be responsible for the home just because she is a woman. A couple needs to discuss chores based on working hours outside of the home and any other caring responsibilities that affect schedules and workloads,” she told Hiptoro.
“If both partners are working full-time then they should be sharing the housework equally. Sadly, research shows that women still do more housework than men even when working. On a practical level, if a couple is committed to an equal level of partnership, drawing up a chore timetable can be useful, as can designating roles by working out who does what based on their likes and strengths,” she said.
“The woman deserves better and in this case, real communication, counseling, and reflection for deep change are needed around her role in the relationship. Change is possible—with communication and a division of chores if her partner is ready to change (and actively believes in this), but I would urge her to reflect on her role in and the value of the relationship,” Elizabeth added.
“In today’s world, looking after the home and/or children is a full-time job in itself and such work needs to be shared. Families often have to rely on two incomes and women have the right to pursue professional goals—something which their spouse should encourage as part of an equal partnership,” the expert gave a detailed division of housework.
“Being financially dependent on a man is not a healthy or safe option. Spouses must be equal in opportunities and shared duties. As working patterns have shifted with the economy in the past decades, outdated sexist attitudes also need to shift. A women’s role is where she wants to be—just like a man’s. It’s not her job to pick up or look after male relatives/spouses. If she chooses to stay at home as the family is financially able to manage on one wage, that must be the couple’s joint decision. Even then, there must be mutual respect, sharing of responsibility, and a fair equitable division of chores.”
Elizabeth also told Hiptoro about real expectations. “Unless her partner is ill or there are other specific circumstances, change is needed. In such cases of illness or other circumstances (finances permitting), I would suggest bringing in home help such as a cleaner. A couple may decide to pay a cleaner, but this cannot make up for sexist expectations brought upon the woman. In a partnership, a couple should be equal.”
Most people thought that the mom did the right thing by standing up for her daughter-in-law
Share your thought with us about the story and what do you think about gender equality.