When we think of an ideal teacher, we all have a separate image. But one characteristic that everyone looks for in a teacher is composed. That’s because badass students are always ready to test their teacher’s patience level.
Reddit user u/jeffzhang69 submitted a question to the platform, asking, “Teachers, what was the [sassiest] response from a student you have heard?” Turns out, there are many.
Scroll down to see funny, disgusting, and even sad phrases students throw at their teachers.
I’ve told this story on Reddit before but this really shy kid that doesn’t really speak much was getting picked on by this mean girl when the teacher tells her “be nice to him, he might be your boss someday,” without missing a beat he replies “no thanks, I don’t want to be a pimp when I grow up.”
My history teacher would spend half the class making jokes directed at the students. One student in particular always took the jokes on the chin and never really made any comebacks.
Eventually, the teacher called him out and jokingly lectured him about standing up for himself. He ended his rant with “You’ve gotta be a man. You’ve gotta be like me.”
The student replied with: “Well which one? Do you want me to be a man or do you want me to be like you?”
Had my class of working class kids at an art gallery. As we waited for our tour to begin we played on the small playground near the door. A prep school kid in a uniform approached two of my boys and said, ‘I bet I’m smarter than you are!’ I watched to make sure no blood was drawn – my students can hold their own pretty much anywhere and they don’t accept insults casually.
But they were cool. ‘No you’re not. Are you in Grade 2?’ The boy said he was and one of my boys said, So Then we’re all grade 2. So we are all grade 2 smart.’ He went back to climbing the monkey bars.
But the prep school kid continued. ‘I know I’m smarter. Let’s do some math and I’ll prove it.’
The toughest kid in my room looked this guy square in the eye and said, ‘Well, I’m smart enough not to do math when I’m having fun on a playground.’
A kid in my math class would sleep on his desk. One day the teacher called on him to answer a problem on the chalk board. He woke up, solved the problem on the board with zero difficulty, and then just went back to sleep.
The teacher repeated the same thing a few times with similar results, and then just let him sleep the rest of the year.
I witnessed a rather sad one.
In my chemistry class sophomore year one of my friends was going through some family issues, and his dad just left for a year or so. The kid was acting up in class and the teacher was like “Do you want me to call your dad?” and he was like “If he picks up tell him to come home soon.”
For context this was at a Catholic school, and the teacher (a very stern fire and brimstone nun) and the student (an extremely liberal anglican) had been at each others nerves all year. After correcting the teacher on something she had gotten wrong, the nun said something along the lines of “I hope you learn to enjoy the heat because it’s going to be very hot when you end up in the deepest level of hell.”
And entirely unruffled, without a moment’s hesitation she responded “Actually, according to Dante’s inferno the deepest level of hell is made of ice, but don’t worry I’ll bring a jacket.”
I’ve taught preschool for years, and one of my favorite “dad” responses to children who are being whiny just to whine is the “Hi, _____. I’m your teacher!” (Eg- “I’m thirsty.” “Hi, Thirsty. I’m your teacher!”). Anyway, one day, after a long week, I sat down to lunch with my class (preschool, remember? 4-5 year olds), and say to a child (we’ll call him Tommy), “Boy, Tommy. I’m really tired today.” Without skipping a beat, he swallows his Mac-n-cheese, looks me right in the eyes and says, “Hi, Really Tired. I’m Tommy.” That was the day I knew I had taught him all I could.
Does it count if it was me?
Gr. 12 religion teacher at a Catholic school tried to tell every one that ejaculating inside a woman will get her pregnant 100% of the time.
My hand shot right up to counter the bulls**t of that statement that he was trying to pass on as fact. I believe I quoted studies putting the percentage in the low single digits, and pointed out how many couples have to go through great lengths in order to conceive.
Mr. Bullsh**er counters back with “Well you see, OiMcCoy, In my personal experience…”
Thanks to him never shutting up about his family and home life and the bizarre rules about teachers strictly adhering to Catholic dogma when it comes to sex, I knew I had him on the ropes.
“Sir, you have been married for 12 years and have two sons. Are you telling us you have only slept with your wife twice?”
Easily my favorite memory from high school.
Kid has his head down at the back of science class everyday. Never does any work, but we all know he’s quite smart. Teacher calls him out for it one day and says “Why do you sleep so much at the back of the class? Do you think you’re smarter than everyone? Do you think you know everything in the book?
He raises his head wearily and says, “i’ve done all the work at home just leave me alone”
“ALL OF IT!? REALLY!?”
“If you can answer a few questions on the book you can sleep for the rest of the term!”
“If you can’t then you’ll sit right at the front and not put your head down once.”
He then began to answer every question the teacher could throw at him, she even pulled up stuff we werent ever going to study in the back of the book and he just answered every question flawlessly… by the end of this 3 minute exchange he asked “We done?”
The teacher, was speechless, so he said “thanks” and put his head down again.
It was sick.
I had a friend who told the teacher he wasn’t going to be able come to an after school event. She started fussing at him telling him that he wouldn’t ever to make it college because of how irresponsible he was. When she finally asked why he couldn’t come, he replied, “My house burned down.”
MY FRIEND, BRIAN was in his home-room class back in high school. The topic of abortion came up as everyone was asking each other if/why they’re either against, or pro-abortion. We’re in Texas so you can assume the ideas and opinions of the majority of the class.
So my friend is a very intelligent and quiet fellow. Minding his own business in a corner of the room. The class turns to him to get his opinion on the matter.
Someone- “Brian, you’ve been quiet over there. So what about you? Are you Pro-Abortion?”
Brian- “Well, I wouldn’t say I’m pro… but I’m pretty good with a coat hanger.”
Jaws drop, the room is silent as everyone is registering what just happened.
Glad I made it to school that day.
Let me point out that I’m female since people will assume I’m a guy. I taught in an inner city school. We were talking about prime numbers so I would have kids give me a number and we’d work out if the number was a prime number on the board. One kid wasn’t paying attention so me being a young teacher I thought I’d catch him off guard and call on him. It went something along the lines of
“Marc, do you have a number?”
“I need your number.”
“Sheeeit, play it cool, girl. We can talk after class.”
The whole room lost their s**t and I turned red from embarassment. They then laughed at how red I got.
Not a teacher but witnessed as a student. There was literally 30 seconds left of class and my buddy starts to pack up. The teacher didn’t seem to mind but when the bell rang and buddy got up to leave the teacher said the classic line “the bell doesn’t dismiss you, I do” and buddy just continues to leave, gets in the doorway of the class and says “If it decides when I come, it decides when I leave” and just leaves the class.
I had a teacher tell a classmate “no drinks in class”. He got up from his seat, picked up the teachers drink, and deposited in the garbage with his drink. She sent him to the office.
We had a teacher that would always threaten to phone our home if we were misbehaving. Which she promptly stopped after: Teacher: “What would your mother say if I called home right now?” Student: “She would say hello.”
Just yesterday actually.
One of my classes is fun in that we give each other hard times, but all in good fun and accomplish a lot. A girl starts giggling uncontrollably for no reason, and she’s a bit of an airhead so I asked her if she saw something shiny and if that entertained her.
Another boy jumps in and says “Yeah Mister, your head”
I’m going bald. I wanted to pretend to be mad but it was just too damn funny
Student in my spanish class was sleeping, like always. Teacher finally got tired of it and tried to embarrass him by waking him up and yell at him in spanish. The student responded with, “I’m back here minding my own business, not causing any sort of distractions at all, and you decide to stop everyone’s learning by trying to make me look stupid. We all know I have no idea what you’re saying, so please stop disrupting the class and let me go back to not bothering anyone.” She never said another word to him.
My Sister (who is a teacher) was taking her kindergarten class through the lunch line. Well, this day was St. Patrick Day, so there was green cupcakes. My sister told the class (jokingly) don’t eat too many cupcakes, or you’ll turn green.
A young black boy looks up at her and says “Miss Kerri, I ain’t never seen a green brother before!”
In high school one of my teachers was having a disagreement with a student. I can’t remember what it was about but finally the teacher ask him if she wanted her to call his mother. The student replies, “do it then. My mama will agree with me too.” The teacher then asks him to leave her class. He goes, “you know what I’m gonna call my mom for you.” He then whips out his cell phone and calls his mom on speaker. “Hey, ma, this teacher want to talk to you.”
The whole class just lost it.
In HS our Functions and Relations teacher would always start to say something, forget it and say, “I lost my train of thought.” Well one day a buddy of mine replies, “It’s okay sir, there were no important passengers onboard.”
Edit: For those who are asking, Functions and relations is a subset of finite math. Think of an entire course on the quadratic equation and its various off shoots.
Back when I taught first grade, we were doing a writing assignment about Thanksgiving. The kids had to draw a picture of their family celebrating Thanksgiving, and then write about it. One little girl drew the table and chairs, and that was all. I knew she just didn’t feel like doing the work, so I tried to prompt her. I asked where the food and her family were, and she snapped right back with, “They’re washing the dishes.” Had to give her credit for coming up with a logical argument for not doing the work!
Our teacher was teaching us about the States of Matter, solid liquid and gas.
He was talking about how a solid you can break into littler pieces, but how you can’t do the same to liquids or gases! So I blurt out “But you can break wind.”
I still talk to that teacher and he says that was the best part of his teaching career. This was in 6th grade.
Not a teacher, but this happened in an upper level French class where you can only speak French. If you speak English, the teacher scolds you in French. My friend walked in a few minutes late for a quiz, and wasn’t allowed to take it. My friend looked at the teacher and said (in english) “That’s bulls**t.” The teacher looked back angrily and said (also in english) “What did you just say?” My friend: “En Français Monsieur.” He got kicked out of the class.
Well this one was during coaching classes for entrance exams.
The maths teacher reduced a given problem to a simpler form and challenged the students “So this expression doesn’t fit any of the given standard forms for us to find the particular integral. So what do you propose we do?”
A kid from the back shouted “The next question”
My aunt is a kindergarten teacher. She saw a kid carrying another kid on his back. She told them to not do that because they wouldn’t grow. Then the kid on top ask her: ” And who did you carried? ”. My aunt is 1.54m tall.
A kid mocked me when I said, “don’t do that.” I started to yell at him and he said, “no man, that’s a song.” He then spontaneously came up with a rap song called “don’t do that” and his friends started making beats. I was no longer mad.
Not a teacher, but witnessed as student.
We had a substitute who was leafing through the yearbook and got to the senior superlatives.
Our school mascot was the eagles. She started reading some if then aloud and said. “Oh that’s nice, Sara most school spirited” a student answered back “Yeah, because she’s always spread eagle”.
The substitute couldn’t keep from laughing, as much as she tried not to.