Building a successful relationship is dependent on trust. It goes hand in hand with honesty, open communication, respect, and other essential parts of creating a meaningful bond between partners. It can seem difficult to have confidence in your soulmate. When you see potential red flags that indicate they may not be as trustworthy as you thought, it’s a good sign.
This seems to be where safegfthrowaway found herself. A few days ago, a woman reached out to the “Am I The A-Hole” community to ask for perspective after her boyfriend put her in a rather uncomfortable situation. She has a collection of precious metals and stones that she keeps in a safe only she knows the code for.
The man demanded access to the safe immediately after moving in with her. “Not to put anything in it, but he says because we are living together now, I should trust him and give him the code,” the user recounted. This raised some questions for the woman who felt the tension rising in their partnership. The full story can be read below and you can weigh in on it in the comments.
This gemologist recently shared how her boyfriend demanded access to her safe filled with precious stones worth 6 figures, which he apparently has no interest in.
She asked the internet for perspective because of the tension in the relationship.
The woman added more updates to the story after clarifying a few details.
We got in touch with Sundy Gilchrist, a relationship coach and founder of Sublime Relationships, to learn more about trust between partners and how to decipher questionable actions. She said that having faith in one another is important for growth in the relationship. There are two levels of trust that we should take into account.
“One is trusting yourself, which is the primary trust requirement in relationships, and trusting your partner being the other,” she told. It’s important that you have enough capacity to handle whatever comes your way and that you believe you can handle it.
“For it’s true that disappointments and mistakes inevitably come in relationships, and knowing that you can handle these well allows for each person in the relationship to be open, trusting, and exploring within the parameters agreed by both,” Gilchrist said, adding that when we have faith in ourselves, trusting our partners becomes far easier.
Some people don’t reveal their true colors until later in the relationship. When the mask comes off, we can see their concerning behavior patterns and glaring red flags. It can be shocking to find that the person you love is just a story. A sudden change in our partner’s wishes and demands makes us suspicious, unsure of what to think of their actions.
The user’s boyfriend caused unnecessary tension in the relationship because he was the one who accused her of mistrusting him. According to the relationship coach, it is easy to feel hurt when our trust is broken. She said that talking about what the other has done can be hard if we don’t have our own trust. “Dealing with the feelings that come up is the first thing to do, and then that leaves us in a better place to have a conversation about what we didn’t like and want instead, once our initial hurt has been felt and dealt with.”
“At some point early in the relationship, it would be wise to choose to talk around what trust actually means for you and the other person, and what you each want to trust in each other,” Gilchrist stressed the importance of having these discussions to manage your own expectations.
“Someone who doesn’t trust easily may ask for proof of trustworthiness, maybe asking us to do something that makes us feel uncomfortable,” she continued. “Like only wearing things that they feel comfortable with us wearing, as an example, or only going out when with them.” This is a sign of a controlling partner who could lead to jealousy and possessiveness. If sitting down and having a calm conversation is not an option, Gilchrist suggested getting support in the form of therapy if you feel your partner’s controlling behaviors affect your wellbeing in a negative way.
The user had every right to be suspicious, according to the Redditors.
