Every couple is different. But the key to making a marriage work when one parent is a stay-at-home mom and one parent goes to work, is expectation management and empathy. Importantly, stay at home moms often need their husbands to understand how difficult it is to lose your identity; husbands need their wives to understand the pressure they’re under to provide for their family and how isolated from their new kids they feel. Working to make both sides known is crucial to making things, well, work.
Being a mother is a tremendously tough job. Most folks believe that being a stay-at-home mother is such an effortless activity. That they don’t even compare it to a standard 9 to 5 job.
Many dads, sometimes because they’re dealing with their own new pressures and stresses as the sole breadwinner, don’t always grasp how complicated, conflicted and unexpected women’s feelings might be about being home alone all day with a baby, which Cindy describes as “heaven and hell.”
With some work, couples can get better at those things, but a really important component in making the stay-at-home mom, working dad partnership work is respect.
A husband of a stay-at-home mother wondered if he was a number one jerk for not being so enthusiastic about appreciating his burned-out wife who takes care of their 2-year-old twins. The post received over 7k upvotes and 2K comments discussing his rather interesting perception of parenting.
Being a parent is a job and a half, especially when you’re looking after your 2-year-old twins
Some folks don’t realize that even if they’re not so affectionate themselves, other people might need those basic human emotions in order to feel like their best selves. It won’t hurt to occasionally remind your significant other that they’re loved and appreciated – especially when they’re a stay-at-home parent.
This man told his wife that she should stop expecting signs of appreciation, as it was her choice to become a stay-at-home mother
This husband began his story by explaining that his beloved wife is a full-time mother that takes care of their 2-year-old twins. He then revealed that when they got married, it was decided that once they had children, his wife would become a stay-at-home mother, since they don’t have any relatives nearby.
Moreover, his wife supported the idea as she wanted to be with her kids, enjoy the true beauty of motherhood and be there with the twins when they start to achieve their milestones.
The OP then reveals their financial status and says that he earns enough for his family to be comfortable. He makes sure that his wife has everything she needs and lets her spend the money freely, without setting any kinds of limits.
The husband proceeds to share that his job is also fairly comfortable, as he works from home on a 7 to 5 schedule. He doesn’t have to leave the house, so as soon as he finishes, he goes to spend some time with the children, while his partner continues with the chores.
The author also mentions how his wife does an extremely great job at keeping the house together, and that he was absolutely convinced that she is fully satisfied with the arrangements, until she began to voice her concerns.
The mother of the twins revealed that lately she’s been feeling like she’s being taken for granted, as the OP never shows any signs of appreciation. The woman told her husband that all she wants is for her partner to do something once in a while that will let her know that she is, in fact, loved. She even gave him an example and said that a simple chocolate bar will do.
Things led to an argument and the woman said that she works from 5 a.m to 9 p.m, 7 days a week and frankly feels like a servant due to her husband’s lack of emotional support. The man revealed that he understands that it’s a tough job, however, he never asks her to thank him for making money.
Sadly, the OP doesn’t realize that his and his wife’s “schedules” are on opposite ends of the toughness scale, so he really just tells her to suck it up and continue doing her job.
Of course, working from your own home, having your wife dealing with every possible chore for 7 days straight while also taking care of 2 toddlers is an easy job compared to your busy timetable.
The fellow online users had the pleasure of humbling the clueless author and explaining the very obvious. Parenthood will never be easy, especially if someone has to take a role of being a stay-at-home partner. This job is tougher than anything else, it burns you out emotionally and physically, which is why it’s crucial to have a very understanding partner right by your side.
Fellow Redditors unanimously agreed that the OP is in fact an a-hole