“Revenge is the act of passion; vengeance of justice.”

Sometimes, good people in this world get the perfect opportunity for some glorious revenge.

Here are some of the best ones we could find, courtesy of r/MaliciousCompliance. Vote up your favorites!

1. Won’t Let Me Go To Jury Duty? Enjoy Being Questioned In Court

This was back in the 80’s, my first job, working as maintenance man at a local hotel. I’d been working there part time since I was 16 and when I turned 18, I got a notice to attend jury duty. I picked a week and I let my boss know.

The owner of the hotel found out and sees me in the hallway and tells me that I need to do “whatever it takes” to get out of jury duty because he needs me at the hotel that week for a large dog-show, and if I’m not at work, I’m fired.

When I get to jury duty, day 1, I get selected to a week-long trial, and the judge asks jurors if there’s any reason we cannot serve on the jury. They go around… When they get to me, I’m nervous, never been in court before and too scared to lie.

Cue malicious compliance.

I tell the judge that the owner of the business I work at will fire me if I’m not back today and said I needed to do everything I can to get out of jury duty or I’m fired, other than that I’m fine serving. The judge looks p*ssed.

The judge has me approach the bench, asks for the name of the owner, location, etc. Then he hands the court officer a paper and says something to the officer. I’m told to return to the jury box. About an hour later (still selecting a jury), the officer returns with the owner, visibly shaken, in handcuffs and walked to the front of the judges bench.

The owner is standing in front of the judge. The judge asks him questions which he apologetically tries to worm out of.

Then the judge instructs him that I will be here for jury duty, I will serve as long as I need to, and he should NOT do anything to retaliate against me — and that the judge is filing charges and will be instructing the clerk to check with me regularly and if, for any reason, I am fired or face any disciplinary action at work – he will hold the owner in contempt, violation of a court order,  and a bunch more legal stuff. He will spend time in jail thinking about how important jury duty is.

Then the judge makes him apologize to me, in court!

I made it onto the jury and I served the week. I reported back to work the following week. I expected some blowback, but I never got fired, none of my shifts were changed and I got paid for my time in jury – I didn’t ask why I got paid.

The clerk did check back a few times and I was told to call the judges clerk direct phone number if anything happened. It was awesome, I was pretty much bullet-proof and worked until I saved enough to go back to school.

TL;DR: When I got my first notice for jury duty, my boss told me to get out of it or I’d be fired. Being the scared 18-year old that I was, when the Judge asked if any of us couldn’t serve, I told him what my boss had said. The Judge had my boss dragged into court and threatened with jail time. I ended up serving on the jury and getting paid for the days I missed at work. 

2. Need The Files You Told Me To Delete? Sorry, I Deleted Them

My job was to design and write software prototypes for individual high-value customers. If they liked it well enough, then a real software engineering team would build the real product. Occasionally, I would run the prototype for a few months while the customer evaluated if they wanted to buy the real project.

Now these prototypes are not a lot of code, but they do run with a lot of data. Even compressed, it can be a terabyte or more. Having done this work for years, I’ve accumulated a small disk farm of past projects, which can be very useful when a customer asks for something just like we did last year, but with a small change or two. The company resisted buying hard drives for this, but it saves me so much time, I ended up buying one or two a year myself until I accumulated about 10 of them. Figure over $1000 worth of external drives.

Then unexpectedly management changes, new management thinks they can replace old software guy with a cheaper new software grad and I am laid off, with two weeks to “train” my replacement. (Yes, it’s blatant age discrimination, but impossible to fight, so I just went for a graceful transition to my next job.)

Except, I have $1000 of personal disk drives with old customer data on them. Company insists that no ex-employees may take any company data off premises and all files must be deleted. I don’t want to just leave the drives at the company, but they insist I must delete all data before taking them home. So I offer: They can buy them from me.

I will eventually use them for something else, but I can leave the data on them in case someone needs it

Not good enough. New manager insists I must delete all data and all backups before I remove the drives.

Cue malicious compliance.

That’s what I do. Six months later, I get a series of desperate phone calls.

New software grad has been unable to build any new prototypes. Old customers are calling to get old prototypes updated, and new software grad has no idea how to do that. Executive VP is calling to ask what would it take to bring me back to do my old job.

Sorry, I’ve got a new job now. And even if I didn’t, I cannot just modify the old prototype because you insisted I delete all old copies of it. If I did want to modify it, I’d first have to re-create it from scratch. The code still exists in their source control, but the data is the heart of the prototypes. And that old series of six month’s apart data we collected is gone for good, no matter what.

Sorry, you screwed yourselves exactly like I told you would happen. Hope whatever you saved by hiring a new grad to replace an actual experienced programmer was worth it.

TL;DR: I was fired from a job building software protypes. Over the years, I’d collected about 10 hard drives full of data from old projects. When I was fired, I was told to delete all of these. I tried to sell the hard drives back to the company in case they needed the data in the future but they denied saying I needed to delete everything from all of them before leaving. So, I did and six months later, they needed the data. Too bad its been deleted. 

3. Don’t Want A Woman Working On Your Car? Have Fun Waiting

Many years ago, I worked at a car dealership. The attached service garage was small and I was the only licensed mechanic.

I would occasionally have issues with male customers— they would second guess my diagnoses, watch me while I worked on their cars from the bay door, double check my work in the parking lot, etc.

I didn’t deal with customers directly and would often get my apprentice to pull cars in and out of the shop for me.

This morning in particular, we were busy. The lot jockey and apprentice were occupied helping wash cars for delivery and driving to a customer’s house.

The service advisor left a work order and keys at the parts counter, and I went out the front through service to get the car. It was in for a service campaign, which was an update done with a scan tool. It takes about 10 minutes.

The customer was planning on waiting and was sitting in service. When he saw me with his keys in my hand, he immediately stood up, alarmed. I was hustling so I walked right by him and out the door. I missed the following conversation, according to the service advisor (also female):

Customer: “Who is that chick? Is she going to be working on my car? I don’t want her working on my car.”

Advisor: “The other tech is out at the moment, so it’s going to be quite a wait until someone else can look at your car.”

C: “That’s fine. I’ll wait for a guy. I don’t want that chick touching my car.”

A, politely: “Understood.”

Cue malicious compliance.

The advisor comes to let me know, and I pull the car out and put the work order and keys back on the counter.

Half an hour passes. The apprentice is still away, and I am happily working on something else, bringing other cars in and out.

The customer is now watching each and every person who comes through the door.

The high school co-op student comes in to get something signed. The customer’s keys are still sitting on the desk. It’s been about an hour now.

C: “Hey— why hasn’t my car gone in yet? Can’t you get this guy to do it?”

A: “No, sorry. He’s just a co-op student so he is not allowed to drive the cars due to liability and insurance concerns.”

C: “Just get someone else to bring the car in and he can do the work. This was supposed to take 10 minutes.”

A: “Sorry, sir. He’s just a high school student doing his co-op; he’s not approved to perform warranty work. Only licensed techs and apprentices can do the recall.”

The car jockey returns. The advisor hands the car jockey a different set of keys, and he brings yet another car into the shop for me. The customer is becoming incensed.

C: “I’ve been sitting here for over an hour and I’ve watched 5 cars go in before mine. My appointment was for 8am, this is getting ridiculous,” blah blah blah.

At this point he says that he literally doesn’t care who does the recall, but that it has to be a guy.

The service advisor starts listing off the names of the men who work in the dealership, then saying why they can’t perform the recall.

“Well there’s Harmon, but he’s just the car jockey. He doesn’t know how to work on cars. Then there’s Jeet, but he’s about 17. I wouldn’t want him doing the recall, personally. I guess we could ask Mike— but Mike is the parts guy— he doesn’t know how to use the scan tool. The detailers are men, but they know NOTHING about cars… ”

The customer is fuming at this point, and demands to talk to the service manager.

The manager comes out of his office, and guides the customer into the garage. He’s pretty old school… lights up a cigarette standing at the end of my bay, and points at me.

“That’s my best technician. Those guys take orders from her. You can either wait for her to finish what she’s working on, and then you can ask if she’s still willing to do your work, or you can take your car somewhere else.”

The guy was pretty shook up at this point and he took his car and left, two hours after he’d first arrived. I don’t think we ever saw him again, which was not much of a loss, all things considered.

That manager in particular ALWAYS stuck up for me and took my side. The service advisor has this very dead-pan sense of humour. She knew full well it would easily be an hour before the apprentice would return from his errand, and that no one else could do the recall.

TL;DR: A customer brought his car in to the shop but when he saw me with his keys asked for a man to do the job instead. The service advisor happily agreed knowing full well there was no one but me to do the job. The customer ended up waiting two hours before leaving without getting his car fixed.  

4. Send Three Years Worth Of Documents? Right Away!

This happened several years ago when my ex and I were going through a heated divorce. While we were married, we had a couple of conversations about how rich people hide their assets to avoid paying taxes.

I’ve never had enough assets to do this, but she somehow got the idea that I was and told her attorney that I was laundering money and hiding income. It was more likely the heat of the moment as divorces often come down to. I couldn’t even afford my own attorney so I represented myself.

Her lawyer wasn’t a total a*s, but he clearly was out to get me, and he talked down to me like I didn’t deserve to breathe the same air. One day, I get a letter in the mail from him requesting an updated income declarations form and 3 years of financials. It had a long a*s list of things to include.

I own a communications tech company that was in super startup phase back then. Money was already tight. I was trying to get this business off the ground with no financing, I was finishing my MBA with scholarships and loans, so paying for copies and postage or driving this 30 miles to his office meant eating peanut butter and saltines for a week. So I called him to explain my situation. He all but called me a liar and didn’t believe I couldn’t afford it.

I was put off by that, and I said this was taking time away from business I needed to handle. To which he replied (and I’ll never forget this), “Well, according to your income declarations, you’re not that busy. What do you do all day?” He then said if he didn’t get these documents, he would consider my previous filings as fake tell the judge, contact the DA, and also alert the state tax agency and IRS. Probably an empty threat, but I’m no lawyer.

Efax is one of the services my company provides, and at this time it was relatively unknown. So I asked him if he has a fax machine. He said he had a fax/scanner/copier device, then said what law office doesn’t have a fax machine? And I suddenly got an idea.

Cue malicious compliance. 

Okay, I said to him, I’ll put together and fax whatever I can. You want 3 years of financials? You got it.

I scanned-to-PDF every receipt I could find. McDonald’s receipt from 5 years ago? F*ck it, won’t hurt to include it. CVS receipt? It’s 3 miles long, perfect. They get the $1 off toothpaste coupons too.

I downloaded every bank statement, credit card statement, purchase orders from vendors, and every invoice I sent to clients. I printed to PDF the entire 3 year accounting journal, monthly/quarterly/annual balance sheets, cash flow statements, P & L’s. Not only did I PDF 3 years of tax filings, but every single letter I received from the IRS and state tax agency, including the inserts advising me of my rights. It took awhile, but I was a few days ahead of the deadline!

I made a cover page black background with white lettering. Wherever I could, I included separator pages in all caps in the biggest, boldest font that would fit on the page in landscape: 20XX RECEIPTS, 20XX TAXES, etc.

I merged everything into a single 150+ page compressed PDF and sent the document using my Efax system. Every hour or so, I received a status email saying the fax failed. Huh, that’s weird. Well, they’re getting this document. So I changed the system configuration to unlimited retries after failures to keep redialing until it went through. Weird, I was still getting status email failures. I’ll delete the failure emails and keep the success one after it eventually goes through, I thought. Problem solved.

Two days later, a lady from his office called and asked me to stop sending the fax. Their fax/scanner/printer/copier had been printing non-stop. It kept getting paper jams, kept running out of ink and they had to keep shutting it off and back on to print.

I explained that her boss told me to send this by the deadline or else he would call the DA and IRS. Since I didn’t want a call from the DA or the IRS, I would keep sending until I get a success confirmation. I suggested they just not print until my fax completes, but she didn’t like that.

She asked me to email the documents, and I told a little white lie that my email wouldn’t allow an attachment that big. Unless her boss in writing agreed to cancel the request or agree to reimburse me for my costs to print and ship, I said I would continue to fax until they confirm they have received every page.

She put me on hold, and the attorney gets on the line. He said forget sending the financials. I said that I would need this in writing, so I will keep sending the fax until he sent that to me. He asked me to stop faxing and he would send it in writing, and I said send it in writing first and then I’ll stop.

Long moment of silence… click.

About 20 minutes later, I received an email from his assistant with an attached, signed letter in PDF that I no longer needed to provide financials. The letter then threatened to pursue sanctions in court or sue me for interfering with their business. Every time I saw him after that, the lawyer never brought up financials again.

TL;DR: My ex accused me of hiding income and money laundering, so her divorce lawyer demanded 3 years of financials. I spam faxxed them with my company’s Efax service until they told me to stop. 

5. Want Crunchy Ice Cream? Coming Right Up!

I worked as a manager at a Ralph’s (a NYC-area ice cream chain) and one night as I’m helping out scooping I hear a customer getting annoyed at the window and starting to get snippy with one of the young kids who was working the window, so I head over to smooth the situation as manager.

The woman is mad because the hot fudge on her hot fudge sundae is hot and going to melt the ice cream. I explain to her that hot fudge is indeed served hot but she insists so I make her a new sundae with magic shell topping instead and let her keep the hot fudge one.

By the time I return with that, this customer is stirring her spoon through another cup of cream ice (kind of like a sherbet) she ordered, obviously about to complain about it. The flavor she ordered was called “graham crunch” and she proceeded to tell me that there wasn’t any graham crunch in it. That she orders this flavor all the time and she knows that I am intentionally stiffing her.

I tell her that this is just how the flavor is and I don’t name or make the ice cream, but she isn’t having it. She wants me to “fix” it.

We’ve got some graham cracker topping in the back, so as she is berating me I just walk away from her and grab the entire container and come back to the window with it.

At this point, we’ve got a line of people down the block because this lady has held us up so there are lots of witnesses to what I was about to do.

Cue malicious compliance. 

Without breaking eye contact with her as she continues to tell me that I’m wrong about the ice cream I scoop 6 days a week, I open the lid of the container and empty the entire thing over her cup of the offending ice cream. Graham crackers are everywhere. Her ice cream is now definitely crunchy.

She loses her mind at this and starts yelling at me she knows the owner and will get me fired. I tell her “Yeah, Steve is a nice guy” and she responds with “I’ve known Steve a long time” to which I respond “Well his name is John. Get out of here and don’t bother my employees for free ice cream again.”

Now sufficiently embarrassed in front of the long line of customers, the lady leaves in a huff and indeed never returns. The next few customers left us $20 tips in the jar to make up for her, so the kids who worked for me left with quite a bit more in their pockets than they normally would and realized that their manager had their back.

TL;DR: A customer kept making ridiculous complaints about her ice cream. She claimed her ice cream didn’t have enough graham crackers in it. Finally, I’d had enough and gave her all the toppings she wanted and told her to never bother my employees for free ice cream again. She never came back.

6. Key Card Is Broken? Let Me Fix It

I’m the facility manager for my building. Everything that happens and goes wrong, is my responsibility. So I make sure everything runs smoothly.

My boss had made it clear: It’s MY building and I was hired to not only keep people in line but run everything. I’m not a d*ck but I hold people accountable, forcibly but politely. There was no facility manager for a long time before I came along and both clients and employees ran amok, with no order.

In the 4 months I’ve been here, my boss has praised my performance and has gone to bat for me countless times, she’s the best boss I’ve ever had. I’ve got a firm but fair approach and my reputation reflects that.

I’ve got a Karen in the building and trust me, the name stereotype applies, who’s just a counselor for family services, has nothing to do with our group. She likes to complain about everything and gives my boss a headache almost daily. She shares an office with another women, who’s unfortunately, picking up on her Karen tendencies (Karen In Training).

I’ve been doing a keycard audit all week and I knew to leave Karen’s keycard alone because she’s the only Karen in the building, so her name stands out. I am missing 75 keycards, lots of former employees having all door access, dating all the way back to 2015. Can’t have that so I deleted a lot of them, especially if it had a wacky name or just a room number. However, I did delete “Karen In Training’s” card information because it wasn’t under her name.

She just came to tell me her keycard wasn’t working and Karen happened to be passing by and overheard it. I went and fixed “KIT’s” keycard and we went to go check to see if it worked or not. We found Karen outside the office waiting, complaining to my boss that her keycard didn’t work either. Karen wandered away and my boss rolled her eyes and I smiled and I told her I would take care of it.

Cue malicious compliance.

After checking to make sure “KIT’s” keycard worked, I went downstairs to check the system, looked up Karen and wouldn’t you know it, her keycard was completely fine. In fact, it showed she had a MASTER keycard. So I changed all of her permissions and limited her back to just her room ONLY.

I went upstairs and got my boss’s attention because her office is next door to the ladies and I mouthed LISTEN and pointed.

I opened their door and was all, “Hey Karen! I went and checked your keycard in the system. Everything is good to go. In fact, it said you had a MASTER key to the building and per the company orders, since you’re not a contractor or a company employee, I can’t give you that access. So I had to revoke your status to just this room ONLY. Can’t have you bugging people on official business! Thanks for bringing your keycard to my attention.”

She started to object that she needed the master keycard because XYZ and I was all, “Yeah sorry. Maybe before but I’m the facility manager and you don’t need access to everything except this office and if you do, it’s outside your pay grade, so you’ll have to come get me. Ok? Cool thanks byyeeeeeee…” And then just closed the door on her mid sentence.

My boss was quietly laughing in her office and gave me an air high five.

TL;DR: Karen complained her keycard didn’t work, when it absolutely did. In fact, she had master key access and had she not said anything, would still have it but made me check and I revoked her status completely to just her room only.

 7. Don’t Like Clock Watchers? Try Treating Your Employees Better

In my last job, when I started, I would log in as soon as I got there and if I had anything to finish up I would do it before I left. I didn’t mind as I’m a team player. This resulted in me doing 20- 30 mins a day unpaid but I liked the company and liked a clear desk.

Fast forward 2 years and my father in law was terminally ill. We got a call from the hospital telling us we had to get there ASAP as he didn’t have long left. I told my manager and left at 3.45 (core hours were 10-4) the next month my pay was docked for half a day. I had already made 2 hrs extra unpaid that week but they told me they couldn’t make exceptions and the extra I did was my own decision.

Cue malicious compliance. 

Allllrighty then! I came in on the dot and left in the dot. I did this for 5 years, I worked to the letter of my contracted hours.

My manager was talking to a new starter and in my earshot she told him she hated ‘clockwatchers’ who left on the dot as this doesn’t show company loyalty. I leaned over and replied loyalty works both ways and being docked half a days pay for going to see an ill and beloved family member when I’d already done more than my weekly hours was cruel and unfeeling. So, I show the company the same level of compassion they showed me.

After all rules are rules and exceptions cannot be made.

The new starter started on the dot and left on the dot as did the whole staff. I love to think how many extra hours they lost over the whole department over the next few years.

TL;DR: I didn’t mind working 20-30 minutes off the clock, but when I was docked a half day for leaving 15 minutes early to go see my sick father-in-law, I’d had enough. I began working my exact contracted hours and encouraged others to do so as well. I love to think how many unpaid hours the company has lost over the years. 

8. Military Wife Demands Salute? Not Today Or Ever!

There are a handful of rules to saluting in the American military. The when, why, and how is drilled into you from boot camp until the day you leave. Even the order in which the salutes are rendered have meaning. When it comes to vehicles there are helpful insignia and stickers to indicate if its an officer such as a colored sticker located on the front windshield.

My base was small enough where it was everyone’s job at some point to do sentry duty at the front gate which had housing for military families. Sentry duty was pretty basic, you’d stop every vehicle, check ID’s and then wave them through. If they were an officer you’d see it coming with those colored stickers and after verifying the identify of the officer, you’d salute and send them on their way.

One day while on duty I approached a vehicle with an officer’s sticker and there was only the officer’s wife driving in the vehicle. I returned her ID, wished her a nice day and waved her through. Pausing with a stern look, “Where’s my salute?”

Now, Karen here was wife to a higher ranking officer and has clearly has fallen under the impression people are saluting her somewhere along the way. Some of the junior enlisted might’ve even been saluting her as they’re more prone f*ck ups.

I politely replied, “Ma’am salutes are only rendered to commissioned officers.” Angrily pointing her fingers at the front of her windshield towards her husband’s officer sticker, “I have a sticker and you need to salute the sticker.” Curtly I continued, “I’m afraid that sticker is not an officer either.”

Frustrated she pulled through and left my post. My cover guy and I watched her drive down the street and pull right into the administrative building with the top brass and huffed into the building as quickly as her body would take her. We exchange a look between us with wry smiles knowing exactly where this is probably going.

Later that day, we get a new official base-wide mandate. From here forward all enlisted will salute vehicle stickers of officers regardless of who’s in the vehicle. Rodger that.

Cue malicious compliance.

It’s worth noting that when you salute an officer as enlisted, you do it first, and you hold that salute until you are saluted in return and they lower theirs. Only then do you lower your salute. It signals that you’re saluting them, and they’re replying.

Additionally, when saluting a group of officers, you generally direct your salute and greeting to the highest ranking individual. Now as far as I know this stupid sticker salute order has no accommodation for how a 2004 Toyota Camry fits into the officers pecking order. Additionally if the car is unoccupied, its not like that sticker is removed.

After that order came through we all began saluting stickers. Personally, I’d direct my salute to the sticker. I would also prioritize sticker salutes over officers. Let me tell you, walking through parking lots was a blast as I saluted empty cars on my way to where ever. More and more people saw me doing it, and more and more people started doing it.

Not long after the order was publicly rescinded, which hilariously had the balancing affect of never rendering a salute to anyone but a clearly known officer cementing Karen never getting her unearned salutes.

TL;DR: Civilian wife demanded to be saluted because her husband was an officer, used her clout to get a rule enlisted ordering us to salute vehicle stickers. We all followed orders and saluted vehicle stickers, prioritized them over officers, and even empty vehicles in parking lots until the rule was rescinded, ensuring the civilian wife never got her salutes.

9. Punishing Me For Nothing? Let The Games Begin

I worked for an outdoor activity centre/playland in the retail department. Throughout the park there were many different shops that we manned and I absolutely loved working there despite it being hard work for little pay.

One day I had a run in with a manager who seriously berated me in front of the entire team along with others from different departments. I was advised by a manager from a different team to make a formal complaint which I did. Others came out with similar complaints and said manager was advised to find employment elsewhere, but not sacked. Now, unbeknownst to me, I triggered the chain of events that would lead to me leaving the company.

Now before the main story there’s some background info that is relevant to my malicious compliance. There were a few rules in place that were designed to prevent shop lifting including no more than £10 to be allowed on the shop floor which was to be checked before your shift, anything over this must be declared to management and left in your locker and all staff had to agree to random locker/pocket searches.

In the two years I’d worked here had never been picked for a random search. There were around several hundred employees so the odds were incredibly slim.

As soon as our disgraced manager left I suddenly found myself picked at random for a search. This involved turning out my pockets, removing my shoes/socks and then being escorted to the locker room to empty the contents out. Nothing was found so I was sent back to the shop floor. The following week I was again picked at “random” for a search which again turned up nothing.

Rumours were soon doing the rounds that I had upset my departments remaining management team after instigating the action against my former manager and they were going to force me out using any means necessary. I realised that I needed to act so started job hunting and then began my plan.

Cue malicious compliance.

I started taking a backpack to work filled with £20 in pennies . Every morning I declared the amount in my locker as required and sure enough after a couple of days I was once again selected for my weekly “random” search. I got paid to watch a security guard and supervisor count 2000 pennies. As expected I passed said search and off I went. This happened a second time with now £30 in pennies and I decided to up my game.

At the start of the following week I patiently awaited my “random” search with glee knowing what awaited them. The day soon arrived and off I was marched to the lockers ready for their treat. I lift out my backpack and pass it to the security guard and supervisor who dive straight in without any gloves.

Oh, how they retched as they discovered what was in there. I had several pairs of my underpants waiting in there especially for them. They were gingerly laid on the floor beside my bag as they counted my bag of pennies. The smell from the pants was unreal, they’d been festering in there for days in anticipation. Once again the search revealed nothing and off to work I went.

After that I was not picked for another search again. I left after a couple more weeks to a new job and keeping in touch with some people I discovered that new rule was introduced that tried dictating what you could and couldn’t take to work with you. This soon led to a mass walkout of staff and after a year the place shut down due to unrelated matters.

TL;DR: After getting a terrible manager fired, management retaliated against me by always picking me for “random” locker searches. I started bringing $20-30 in pennies to work so that supervisors would have to count it during their searches. I then brought dirty underwear for them to find in their search and I was never chosen at random again.

 10. A Manager Has To Dismiss Me? I’ll Just Get Overtime For Doing Nothing

I work at a store that sells kitchen appliances and other kitchen related stuff, normally when we’re supposed to leave or go on break we’re supposed to tell our manager, I was helping a long line at cash register and had already been there for 8 hours and assumed they had someone to cover me, I wasn’t allowed to use the walkies to ask to be covered to go home, so I quickly found my manager and told her my shift was done.

She got really p*ssy at me and said, “Could you really not stay a few more minutes?” I tried to tell her, “I thought you had someone to cover me I can stay if you want.” She then replied, “No no just go, but next time you need to wait for a manager to let you go home.”

*record scratch*

This was never a rule, I asked other people who’ve worked there for years and they agreed that it wasn’t a rule.

I worked again a few days later and the store was empty, my shift was over and was about to ask to go home then I remember what my manager told me.

Cue malicious compliance.

I continued to wander the store and slightly fix shelves, making sure I was near my manager.

After about 2 and a half hours she said, “You’re still here, why haven’t you gone home?” I replied, “You said I need to wait to be told to go home.” My manager looked at me as though she was mentally kicking herself. “Just go,” she said.

I clocked out and got paid an extra $30 for doing literally nothing.

TL;DR: My manager got so annoyed when I told her my shift was done that she said I had to wait for a manager to dismiss me after my shift. Well, the next time I worked I waited around for 2 and a half hours doing nothing waiting to get dismissed. When my manager noticed, she told me to go and thats how I got paid an extra 2 hours for doing nothing.

11. Won’t Cancel My Internet? No Problem

When I was living in the city, I had a contract with my internet provider. After a year in my apartment, I decided to move in with my then-boyfriend (now-husband) on a farm. A farm on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere. So I call to cancel my internet.

Me: I need to cancel, I’m moving-

Them: (interrupting me) your service moves with you! You signed a contract for x years and it only ends early if we are unable to provide service!

Me: you ARE unable to provide service, I’m moving to a rural area.

Them: not possible! We provide service to many rural communities. What’s your new postal code? (I provide it) that’s for townname. We have service in townname.

Me: but I’m not living in townname. That’s just my postal address. Im living on a farm OUTSIDE of townname.

Them: repeats contract speech, with the additional offer of an absurd buyout fee if I want to cancel my contract early “without cause”

Cue malicious compliance.

Me: fine! You know what, I would LOVE hi-speed internet instead of sh*tty satellite internet! When can you come?

The install guy had to call me three times from the van. Twice because he was lost and a third time because he was stuck in a snow drift.

When he finally arrived it took him about 30 seconds to determine that there is obviously no infrastructure for hi-speed internet. I offered him hot coffee for his trouble coming out and he happily cancelled my service free of charge and accepted my equipment return.

Cost the internet provider a 3-4 hour call out when you count the drive, just to try to keep one impossible contract.

TL;DR: My internet provider refused to cancel my contract unless they were unable to provide service. I knew they couldn’t as my area was rural. I had to have an install guy come out, get lost 2-3 times on the way, only to confirm they couldn’t provide service and cancel my contract.

12. Take My Earphones Off? If You Say So

Happened this morning. Even though I made a complete and full stop at a 4 way stop, I get pulled over by a police vehicle, lights flashing, the works. I turn my dash cam around to face me and whomever goes in front of the driver side window.

I roll it down and ask, “What seems to be the problem officer?” The officer looks at me the way one would look at a sticky piece of gum stuck at the bottom of one’s shoe. “You didn’t make a complete stop,” he says. I adjust one of my hearing aids (lost part of my hearing due to being a touring session musician previously) and before I could speak, he firmly orders, “Sir, take off your earphones when I’m talking to you!”

Cue malicious compliance.

I take both hearing aids off and look at him. I can read lips a little but we’re both masked so I can’t understand what he’s saying.

I communicate in sign language simultaneously while speaking verbally, “I’m deaf and I didn’t understand what you just said. Can you communicate to me in ASL (American Sign Language) please. He points at my hearing aids that look like Apple Air Pods, motioning me to put them on.

I respond, “Yes officer, without those I can only communicate in ASL. Please instruct me in ASL and I will be compliant in every possible way”.

He looks at the dashcam that’s neatly pointed squarely at us and mumbles “For f*ck’s sake”. He then motions for me to to go, giving me 2 thumbs up. Needless to say, I rolled up the window and drove away as fast as legally allowed.

Couldn’t wipe the smile off my face all day.

TL;DR: I was stopped for allegedly not fully stopping at a stop sign. When the officer came to my window, he told mistook my hearing aids for ear buds and told me to take them off. I begin to communicate with him in sign language. After realizing his mistake, he let me go. 

13. Want To Order For The Table? I’m At Your Service

I worked as a server for a small brand new family-owned restaurant. The place was one step below white tablecloth and had a bar on one side with the restaurant on the other. The owners were awesome and provided industry professionals to train us on how best to treat a customer and maximize our tips.

As an example of how effective this training was, on opening day, I dropped an entire tray of drinks down a woman’s back yet this family returned several more times and would only let me serve them. Owner brought them a parka the first time they returned.

One day, as I finish taking an order, I notice a family of four being sat in my section and stopped by immediately to introduce myself. My assessment is this: husband and wife (very nicely dressed), their beautiful early-20s daughter (my age), and what I gather is her boyfriend wearing a suit and tie.

Dad is very clearly paying, but aspiring businessman here interrupts mom when she’s ordering her drink to inform me he’ll be ordering for the table. The dad’s face said it all. Oh, buddy, your night is NOT going to go the way you thought.

Cue malicious compliance.

Every time I returned to the table I would face him, only look at and talk to him, turning my back to the father. Daughter asked for something, I don’t remember what, and without ever acknowledging her, I asked him, “May she have that?” He barely stammered out a “yes”.

When I brought the bill, I set it right in front of him. They hung around for a while and I continued to check in and refill drinks while the bill remained untouched. I think dad was making him sweat. Eventually, dad grabs the bill and puts his card in. I brought back the receipt and thanked the young man for coming in and walked away.

I was returning from another table when they were getting up from the table and the young guy moved to the door at a speed that made lightning look slow. The other 3 were all smiles and the dad looks across the dining room and mouthed, “Thank you.” I gave him a smile and a nod and continued on my way. The tip amount is a number I don’t remember, but I know it was good. Really good.

TL;DR: While I was a server, I had a typical family come in, husband, wife, their daughter and what seemed like her boyfriend. I was taking their orders when the boyfriend said he’d be ordering for the table. The dad looked upset, but I went along. The entire night I only acknowledged the boyfriend. When the daughter asked for something, I asked the boyfriend if that was alright. He was so embarrassed. When it was time to leave, the dad mouthed, “Thank you” to me and left a huge tip. 

14. Walk Slow? You Got It!

I worked at as a cocktail bartender and waiter. A group of suits came in and sat down and I went to take their order. I got a bad vibe off them from the get go and after I finished the order and went to leave this 30-something sleazy guy said loud enough for everyone to hear, “Walk away slowly baby so we can watch.”

Cue malicious compliance. 

I smiled at him and started to do an over dramatic slow motion back away, keeping eye contact with him and smiling the whole time.

I told the other waiters about it and everyone started doing these slow motion walks whenever they walked past their table.

The best one was a bus boy who deliberately dropped something next to their table then did a very slow and sexy pick up like the ‘bend and snap’ from legally blonde.

They left pretty quickly.

TL;DR: When I was a cocktail waitress, a group of suits came in and one guy said, “Walk away slowly baby so we can watch.” Without breaking eye contact, I started walking backwards very slowly. I told the other waiters and they also moved slowly around the table until the group left. 

15. Your Kids Are 13? Whatever You Say

When I worked at the box office of a movie theatre (before automated machines were the norm), Adult tickets (14+) were $11.99, kids (3-13) were $9.50 and kids under 3 were free.

I had a woman come to my till with two kids. Now, these kids looked to be about 15, though it can be hard to tell sometimes. As many kids don’t carry any kind of ID, the rule of thumb was to sell either a kids ticket or adult ticket based on how old the adult told us the kids were.

Many people would take advantage of this and say the kids were 13 in order to save a few bucks. Typically, I didn’t care as I understood the prices were pretty high and this was a big chain so a few older kids getting cheaper tickets wasn’t a big deal. What was different this time is that the woman was very rude throughout the whole transaction.

We have a series of questions we have to ask throughout the transaction (loyalty program etc.) and we would randomly get scored by mystery shoppers to ensure we were following the script. This woman was annoyed and short with me throughout the whole transaction when I was being super friendly and just trying to do my job.

When we got to the part about what kind of tickets she needed, it went something like this:

Me: How old are the kids?

Her: Why?

Me: So I know whether they need kids tickets or adult tickets.

Her: What is the difference?

Me: Adult tickets are for 14+ and are $11.99, kids tickets are for 3-13 and are $9.50.

Her: Oh, they’re 13.

Me: Okay, and which film would you like to go see today?

Her: [whatever film it was, I can’t remember anymore]

Me: Okay, no problem, for 2 kids and 1 adult that will be $30.99 total.

Her: Actually, I am not going with them, I am just dropping them off.

Cue malicious compliance.

Me: Unfortunately, this movie is 14A, which means you have to be either 14 or accompanied by an adult to see it.

Her: Well, they’re 14.

Me: You just told me they’re 13.

Her: They’re actually 14, I just didn’t want to pay the price for adult tickets.

Me: Unfortunately you told me they’re 13. Unless you have ID that shows they are 14, I have to assume what you first told me was correct and cannot allow them to watch this movie unsupervised as it is 14A.

Her: This is ridiculous, so what are my options?

Me: They can either go to a different movie that is not 14A, or you will have to buy a ticket and accompany them to this one.

After a lot of back and forth about options, she finally decided to bite the bullet and buy an adult ticket to accompany them. I like to think she spent the next 2 hours reflecting on how her attempt to save $5 ended up costing her $11.99 and 2 hours of her time.

Realistically, she likely bought the ticket, accompanied them into the theatre, and then left them there to watch the movie while she went shopping. Either way, it still cost her the extra $11.99 for her ticket!

TL;DR: While I normally didn’t care, this rude customer came in and claimed her children were 13. When I told her she’d need to accompany them to see a reated 14A movie, she backtracked and said her kids were 14. I told her unless I saw ID, I had to believe they were 13. She ended up biting the bullet and watching the movie with them. 

16. Lied About My Baby’s Gender? Enjoy All The Pink!

November last year, I (30f) gave birth to our first baby. It’s the first in my family and the 6th in my husband’s (32m) family. It’s important to say that all the six kids are boys and my MIL is in some sick baby girl frenzy.

Ever since we made the announcement, MIL convinced herself that I was pregnant with a girl. I told her that once we knew the gender she would be the first one to know. When we told her it was a boy, she was still convinced it was a girl. She told their whole side of the family it was a girl.

I corrected her but she told them I was just annoyed because I wanted a boy. I wanted a healthy baby, I don’t care about the gender. She also told them we are naming the girl after her mom, which we will never do because hubby hates his Grandma.

When the baby shower gifts started to come, I noticed a lot of things that weren’t on the register. Embroidered things with grandma’s name, pink onesies, etc. It didn’t matter that we had told them the gender and the name, or made it clear that we are not lying about the gender. Everyone believed MIL.

Well, the baby was born. And imagine the surprise… It was a boy, just LIKE WE HAVE BEEN TELLING EVERYONE.

Cue malicious compliance.

Now, the baby has plenty of “girly” clothes and we are dressing our baby in them. Specifically for his family video calls and the pictures for them. This is a problem for them.

After Saturday, MIL called us to scream at us because we are making the people uncomfortable for not sticking to a masculine color scheme for the baby clothes. And we have to stop being this childish, she just through my belly shape was more like girl than a boy’s.

We told her we will not change the baby’s clothes, and to just await until the dresses fit. He will look adorable.

TL;DR: My Mother-in-Law told her entire side of the family I was having a baby girl, even after we told her it was a boy. At our baby shower, we received a lot of “girly” clothing like pink onesies and dresses. Well, I had a baby boy and now we’re dressing him in all the pink clothes in order to make my MIL and her family super uncomfortable. It’s working.

17. Want An Empty Omelette? Order Accepted!

So it was my first job was a server at a very popular 24 hour breakfast diner/chain. We had lots of colorful customers.

One morning, I’m serving a woman sitting by herself. I ask her what I can get her, and she says she’d like an omelette. We have a list of pre-built omelettes, or you can build your own, so I ask her how she’d like her omelette. “Just a regular omelette, please” she tells me.

“Okay, so you don’t want one of the signature omelettes, what would you like inside of yours?” I ask

“Nothing, just a regular omelette.” She replies with a huff

I pause for a second because this order does occur, but not often. Some people like their eggs scrambled and cooked, then rolled up. “So you’d like an omelette with nothing inside?”

“YES! A plain omelette!” She snaps, now irritated that I’ve questioned her several times.

Cue malicious compliance.

So I enter the order, a 5-egg omelette with no fillings and no toppings. A few minutes later it comes out, and she is appalled. “What is THIS?!”

“Your plain omelette,” I reply…

“But where is the cheese, or the ham or the onions?!”. She is irate.

“Ma’am, you ordered an omelette with nothing inside…”

She gets cocky and says “An omelette is eggs rolled up with ham, cheese, and onions! Everything else is extra! You should know this, working at a breakfast place!”

I look at her deadpan and inform her “Actually, ma’am, omelette is French for scrambled eggs that are fried and rolled or folded; everything else is extra”

I’m busy so I walk off and help other colorful customers, meanwhile she flags down a manager to complain, who confirms what I told her and points out that in the menu there is, very specifically, a ham cheese and onion omelette with a large picture in the middle of the page.

Then tells her she has to re-order her meal and wait a second time.

She didn’t leave a tip.

TL;DR: A customer ordered a “regular omelette” and got annoyed when I asked questions about fillings or toppings. So, I put in the order for a 5-egg plain omelette. She was so irritated and complained to the manager who backed me up. She had to order again and didn’t leave a tip.

18. There’s An Account Closing Fee? Then Leave My Account Open Forever

A long time ago I worked at a company that gave me a retirement account with a bank. I eventually changed jobs to a different company that provided a retirement account through another provider. So I called up the bank to roll my old account funds into my new one.

The bank can do that for me, but there is a $50 account closing fee. Why do they have an account closing fee? Because f*ck me. That’s why. I tried to be clever and say leave $1 in the account, but they require a $50 minimum in case you do want to close at a later date.

Cue malicious compliance. 

Ok, roll over all my funds except for $50. Keep the account open. Send me quarterly updates on my $50. Invest it. Make it grow.

I now have a tradition, once a year I call the bank to transfer over all but $50 of my account balance, usually just a check for a few $. By this point, I’ve cost them way more than $50 of service, postage, and checks they mail to me, but I still have a few decades to retirement. Let’s see how much I can cost them before they give me my $50. I’ll go to my grave with that account still open if it means this bank never gets the account closing fee. Why? Because f*ck them.

Edit: I have a pretty embarrassing update. I called up the bank this morning after this post blew up to see if I could get them to wave the closing fee. Turns out they got rid of the closing fee years ago! I never bothered to ask about it after that initial call with them. THAT is how malicious I am with my compliance! I’ve been needlessly f*cking with them for no reason.

Anyway, the guy asked if I wanted to close my account. I told him nah. I’m in too deep. Let it ride!

TL;DR: I was trying to close my account with this bank but they have a closing fee. So, I left the minimum amount in the account ($50) and once a year I call the bank to transfer over all but $50 of my account balance, which is usually just a check for a few dollars. By this point, I’ve cost them way more than the $50 in my account.